I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
