I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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