Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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