He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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