Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
