Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
