I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
