Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
