Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
