Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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