I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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