I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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