Can i not drive my cunt home
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
