i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
