you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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