I wish i was in the wii world.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
