So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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