Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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