would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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