I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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