Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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