i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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