My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize