then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
