I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
