I just pynch a tree in the face
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
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At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
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He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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