God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
