Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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