Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Bring me that man meat
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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