No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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