Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
