why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
