Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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