get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
