just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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