When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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