yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
