the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
