The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
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She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
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MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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