So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
