great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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