i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
