She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
