you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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