Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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