Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
