Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
