your parents love me but you hate me
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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