Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
