I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
