Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
