had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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