google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
