So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
