She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
