The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
