First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
