i just made my gag reflex go away.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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