Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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