I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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