what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
