When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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