I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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