I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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