Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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