Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
