On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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